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CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1) |
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NAME |
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condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child |
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processes |
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SYNOPSIS |
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condom [options] [processid] |
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DESCRIPTION |
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_condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted |
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Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the spread of |
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such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious |
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users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing |
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viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed |
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to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by |
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the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to |
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defend against the following viruses and other malicious |
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afflictions... |
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o AIDS |
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o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties) |
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o Syphilis |
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o Crabs |
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o Genital warts |
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o Gonorrhea |
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o Chlamydia |
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o Michelangelo |
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o Jerusalem |
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When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1), |
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foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a |
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child process. If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_ |
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has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes |
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from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other |
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process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child |
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process from being forked becomes much greater. See pill(1), |
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sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information. |
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If no options are given, the current user's login process (as |
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determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a |
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Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip. The optional |
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'processid' argument is an integer specifying the process to protect. |
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NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk. _condom_ |
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will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy |
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disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below). |
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OPTIONS |
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The following options may be given to _condom_... |
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-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows... |
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trojan (default) |
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ramses |
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sheik |
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goldcoin |
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fourex |
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-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are... |
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latex (default) |
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saranwrap |
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membrane -- WARNING! The membrane option is _not_ |
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endorsed by the System Administrator General as an |
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effective barrier against certain viruses. It is |
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supported only for the sake of tradition. |
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-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported... |
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plain (default) |
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apple |
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banana |
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cherry |
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cinnamon |
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licorice |
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orange |
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peppermint |
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raspberry |
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spearmint |
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strawberry |
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-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip) |
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-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying |
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the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to |
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_condom_ by the protected process. Using a larger |
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value of STRENGTH increases _condom_'s protective |
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abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication. |
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A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess |
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communication, but also increases the likelihood of a |
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security breach. An extremely vigorous process or |
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one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_ |
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will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure. The |
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default STRENGTH is 80%. |
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-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are... |
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rough (default) |
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ribbed |
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bumps |
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lubricated (provides smoother interaction between |
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processes) |
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WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in |
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order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in |
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benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor! If execution |
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speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubricated' option. |
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DIAGNOSTICS |
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_condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes... |
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-1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk. |
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0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to |
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the synchronous process). |
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1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The |
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danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child |
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process is inversely proportional to the number of other |
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protections employed and is directly proportional to |
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the ages of the processes involved. |
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BUGS |
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_condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process |
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from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although |
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the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most |
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effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted |
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viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program |
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for preventing these problems. |
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Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines |
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should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you must |
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use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your |
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synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can stop the |
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spread of STVs. |
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AUTHORS and HISTORY |
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The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times |
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and was only marginally effective. With the advent of modern |
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technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more |
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effective. |
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The current release of _condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at |
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the University of Washington (maupin@cs.washington.edu) and was last |
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updated on 10/7/92. |
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SEE ALSO |
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celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and |
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setiud(3) |
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